The Style Invitational; 
VEGIES OUT


Week CII (435): No contests until mid-January. Instead, Everything You Always Wanted to Know About the All-Time Stars of The Style Invitational in 100-Word Autobiographies That Contain One (and Only One) Falsehood. The revised title for next week's column is by Tom Witte of Gaithersburg.  

* I am a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very private person. And I'm gay.

(Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

* Born in 1951 in Paterson, N.J., I'm America's Funniest Office Products Dealer. (You can't imagine the pressure!) My encounters with my fellow celebrities are eerily linked. Just before my birth, my parents went to a basketball game. Lou Costello entered the arena, smiled and tipped his hat at Mom. I once played in the prelim to a basketball game featuring Wilt Chamberlain, famous scorer, and coach Red Auerbach, famous cigar smoker. Once, a car carrying Monica Lewinsky drove beside me. Weeks later, President Clinton's limo drove right past me. See how everything fits together? Who? What? I dunno. Third base.

(Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

* Middle child, raised in Cleveland, had a grandparent called "Bompa." It was either develop a sense of humor or undergo massive therapy, okay? I once tried my luck as a stand-up on "Star Search" but lost by one lousy quarter-star. However, Ed McMahon said something that prepared me well for The Style Invitational: As I slunk offstage he hissed, "Loser!" My attempts at humor writing can be found here, at www.topfive.com and at www.dailyprobe.com. And last, I'd like to say hi to my mom and send a sloppy wet kiss to my number one guitar hero, Stephen Stills.

(Sandra Hull, Arlington)

* Closest to jail: Accidentally threatened major international airport

Bones broken in myself: None
Bones broken in others: Back, wrist, finger, nose
Favorite childhood story: When I was 6, my 2-year-old sister accidentally drank my pee
Favorite adult story: [Deleted by ombudsman]
Shameful admission: Pro wrestling fan
Prideful admission: Outstanding baker
Secret ingredient in gingerbread men: Cardamom
Did I shave today? Nope, not today
How about yesterday? Not then either
Best brush with a celebrity: Worked on Wolfman Jack's very last radio show
And? He, umm . . . called me Ken.

(Kevin Cuddihy, Fairfax)